How do I deal with a dysfunctional relationship with my mother?

gift for women 60th birthday image

Ms.Tiff

I am so devastated and hurt I cant stop crying.I have been hurt by my mother , once again,I feel like I have noone.Growing up, my mother had drugs and relationship issues, I pretty much had to be the mother and raise myself. She kicked me out at the age of 18, because I did not "clean up enough" right after I graduated from high school, she stomped me in my stomach and threw my stuff out her apartment, at the age of 18.and ever since then I ve been on my own.and when I needed money she told me to not ask for anything.And I didnt understand why my mother mistreated me all my life, I was a good kid, I went to school, I did not do drugs, yet she was very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me throughout my life, yet I still tried to be there for her.

There was days where me and my brother went days without food, I missed days out of school, yet I prevailed and finished high school and went on to get three college degrees including a Master Degree.My mother still continues to struggle financially, she has been drug free for 15 years, yet she works as a security officer, making 10 dollars an hour, so I try and do my best to help her in anyway possible.

Well, about eight months ago, she was living with my brother, and my brother threw her and my youngest sister out, they didn't have any where to go so I lent her over a thousand dollars to get a hotel for about a month, and buy food, she promised me she would pay me back when she received her tax refund.
A few months passed and she needed another loan for money to help get some type of school certificate so, I lent her another 200 dollars, then about a month ago, s then she needed money for food, gave her another 100 dollars to get food,then another 60.00 to help get her cell phone back on, so she recieved her taxes and she sent me around 900 dollars, because she had a tax lien and could not pay me back all at once due to the money that was taken out so she tells me she will pay the other 355.00 dollars, 100 dollars out of every pay check she gets from work, so a few weeks ago, I just ask her if she was sending the 100 dollars, and she tells me she cant pay me because she doesnt have it, because she did not make enough hours, and I ask her can she pay 50 dollars out of every check and she tells me she till try but then, and to get another job and keep my jobs so I wouldnt have to keep asking for my money back she goes on and says she cant believe I am bugging her about 355.00 dollars, when shes helped me in the past, and that shes loaned money to her family and never asked for it back, so why am I asking for it back, and then tells me "I put money over family" all I care about is money, and then says in her will she will leave me nothing, and all the money to her youngest daugther because I am never there for her, I was devastated and destraught, I have given this woman so much money, I have given her my first apartment for her and my sister when she did not have a place to stay, for birthdays, I have paid for everyone to eat, given her gifts, I have given her money and have done everything in my power to be there for her, yet its never enough, I am so hurt and devastated, I dont understand why my mother think so little of me, when I am really the only one in the family truly care for her and yet its like she hates me, and when I asked her "when have I put money over family" she just says ask your brother, ask your grandmother, the only answer she can come upo with is she tells me she remembers when i was a little girl and I would always want to go over my aunts house and never want to be at home at her, I think I was between 8-10 years old, and when I was staying with her, I was 29, and I wanted to move out and get my own place, and she says I abandoned her because she was trying to go to school and get her degree and she says I left her and my sister to get evicted because she could not afford the rent, but i told her for months I wanted to move, plus I was almost 30, and I slept on her couch, and wanted my own privacy, was I selfish for doing that is that putting money before family.I need advice? any helpers needed?

Answer
Your mother is a mentally ill, abusive person and you have to come to terms with that.
Bc she is your mother, you have been trying to have a relationship with her bc no one wants
to think these things about their mother. You should be proud of what you have accomplished
and stop wanting validation from her in any way bc she just is not capable of giving it.
A good book to get is
"Growing yourself back Up" by John Lee. He has a short youtube also talking about how
we regress emotionally and still feel like a victim when we are an adult. Everyone does this.
You have had a hard, tough life, and need to grieve what you should have received from
a normal Mom. You are not selfish, you actually did well, and took care of yourself instead of
becoming a martyr to your mothers craziness.

Can anyone give me ideas for a birthday gift for a 60 yr old woman?

candy

She is single, no children, great person. She's semi spiritual and loves theater, dinning out. Young at heart! Beautiful lady and a good friend of mine who I have worked with for 13 yrs.

Answer
Invite her to join you for a night out dinner and go to the theater.

Give her an experience:
Cooking class
Art class
Hot Air balloon ride

Think is she ever mentions "I love going to that place" or "I have always thought about going ... but didn't want to go alone"

Then see about making it happen.
I found more ideas here - maybe one will work for you.
http://giftideacenter.com/People/grandparents_gifts.php

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