Stoker679
I think there is a point in ever manâs life when this question crosses his mind. Unfortunately itâs never under the greatest of circumstances. Iâm a lonely 23 year man whom has steered clear of the dating scene due to the utter complications of the good guy bad guy scenario. I unfortunately am the good guy; raised in a house full of woman I picked up on the emotional rollercoaster that they call âfinding loveâ at a very young age. A kid can only take so my nights watching their loved ones cry themselves to sleep over a man; before putting their little foot down and accepting the challenge of simply finding someone to love enough to give them what they deserve.
As an adult I see that it is much more difficult than that. Iâm not going to bombard you with my relationship stories. For me itâs simple, they all ended very similar to one other. âYouâre too good for meâ, âyouâre going to make some lucky girl very happyâ, and âYouâre too good to be trueâ. Mind you Iâm no saint! Iâm just respectful to their space and feelings. I donât buy them gifts all the time! Only when I fell thatâs its right; that way it means something to them. Iâm not a push over! I fight when itâs something I feel is necessary to fight about.
The only reason I raise this question is due to the fact that out of the five relationships that I have been in. four of them have gone to men that treat them badly. I happen to be friends with one of their boyfriendâs sister and I come to find he cheats on her, fights, and lies to her. I donât get it??? It almost seems as if they like someone to be rude to them. Iâm so confused⦠Is it wrong for me to just want to love someone for who they are? Support them in everything they do and be there for them when called upon? Or am I just thinking too far into this? Should I try being rude for a change see how that turns outâ¦What do woman want?
Answer
Maybe the women you have been dating came from dysfunctional homes. They are not used to being treated with respect. They are unable to treat themselves with respect. The influencing parent has the most influence on a girl/woman. Usually the father. If he is abusive, disrespectful and a cheating moron and the wife/mother was a passive doormat or vice versa then that is the mould or conditioning that has been implanted into the psyche.
Then life comes along to teach us that this is not the way to live.
We are often filled with a false perspective that it is "happier ever after" or the happiness trap. Life is not like this at all and no one is ever perfect, in fact most of us have an idealistic perspective.
What your parents or family did is not what you have to do as an adult. You can choose to live a different life. You your self have been conditioned but just don't know it. You are attracted to certain types of women because.................................
Who do they remind you most of?
What is it you want them to be?
What perspectives do you have that might need tweeking a bit?
Did you feel loved as child?
Did you feel abandoned as a child?
Did you have unrelenting standards to live up to?
Were you emotionally deprived or abused as a child?
Are you constantly seeking one or more parents love, acceptance and approval?
Most young women don't see the comparisons to their home life to their adult life choices.
This only comes about when you have become older and had a few challenges to work through before it becomes clear and you gain wisdom.
I speak from my own life experiences. I'm mature aged now.
I met my ex husband when I was just 16 and had just started my first job. I believed in love at first sight and happily ever after scenarios.
Of course I chose the wrong man ( a rebel with addictions and bad attitude) to hook up with. I eloped at age 19 when it was a very outrageous thing to do. I got pregnant. He did not want the baby. I had to beg my parents for some money to get an abortion because I could not bare to be separated from him. I stayed with him for 23 years. We married after living together for 4 years. I had several miscarriages and then had two sons who are young adults now. I divorced the man 12 years ago because once I reached my late 30's I began to re-evaluate my life. I was terribly lonely in my marriage (he was hardly home much and addicted to pot and not good at handling money) and I was always meeting his needs while mine were ignored. It was an ugly separtion and divorce process. I've started my life over and while I don't have much and I'm single and content to be free of all the wretchedness. End of story.
Nothing wrong for wanting to love someone for who they are.
It shows a nice acceptance level that is not based solely on looks, money, status all of which are superficial aspects.
However, supporting destructive behaviour is not healthy.
It is not your job to fix them. This is their path and their lessons to learn.
You need to detach from this sort of person or crowd of misfits who don't understand integrity nor how to behave properly.
You are wasting your time here. You can't fix this one.
Try charitable groups or community groups who have good folk who volunteer to serve the wider community.
Environmental or Conservation groups also attract a better class (hate the word) of people who can distinguish between right and wrong.
Don't be rude and disrespectful. You lower yourself to the gutter.
Just continue to be your good self.
You got to ask yourself why you keep being attracted to drama queens. Maybe attractiveness but they are soooo screwed up inside. I could tell you the answer...however, you need to figure it out for yourself. Once you do, you can then make better choices in the type of women you become involved with and who not to get involved with.
A relationships book written by Dr Barbra De Angilis titled "Are you the one for me" is a good read and helps put things into proper perspective. Maybe your local library has it or could order it in for you.
Good luck!
Maybe the women you have been dating came from dysfunctional homes. They are not used to being treated with respect. They are unable to treat themselves with respect. The influencing parent has the most influence on a girl/woman. Usually the father. If he is abusive, disrespectful and a cheating moron and the wife/mother was a passive doormat or vice versa then that is the mould or conditioning that has been implanted into the psyche.
Then life comes along to teach us that this is not the way to live.
We are often filled with a false perspective that it is "happier ever after" or the happiness trap. Life is not like this at all and no one is ever perfect, in fact most of us have an idealistic perspective.
What your parents or family did is not what you have to do as an adult. You can choose to live a different life. You your self have been conditioned but just don't know it. You are attracted to certain types of women because.................................
Who do they remind you most of?
What is it you want them to be?
What perspectives do you have that might need tweeking a bit?
Did you feel loved as child?
Did you feel abandoned as a child?
Did you have unrelenting standards to live up to?
Were you emotionally deprived or abused as a child?
Are you constantly seeking one or more parents love, acceptance and approval?
Most young women don't see the comparisons to their home life to their adult life choices.
This only comes about when you have become older and had a few challenges to work through before it becomes clear and you gain wisdom.
I speak from my own life experiences. I'm mature aged now.
I met my ex husband when I was just 16 and had just started my first job. I believed in love at first sight and happily ever after scenarios.
Of course I chose the wrong man ( a rebel with addictions and bad attitude) to hook up with. I eloped at age 19 when it was a very outrageous thing to do. I got pregnant. He did not want the baby. I had to beg my parents for some money to get an abortion because I could not bare to be separated from him. I stayed with him for 23 years. We married after living together for 4 years. I had several miscarriages and then had two sons who are young adults now. I divorced the man 12 years ago because once I reached my late 30's I began to re-evaluate my life. I was terribly lonely in my marriage (he was hardly home much and addicted to pot and not good at handling money) and I was always meeting his needs while mine were ignored. It was an ugly separtion and divorce process. I've started my life over and while I don't have much and I'm single and content to be free of all the wretchedness. End of story.
Nothing wrong for wanting to love someone for who they are.
It shows a nice acceptance level that is not based solely on looks, money, status all of which are superficial aspects.
However, supporting destructive behaviour is not healthy.
It is not your job to fix them. This is their path and their lessons to learn.
You need to detach from this sort of person or crowd of misfits who don't understand integrity nor how to behave properly.
You are wasting your time here. You can't fix this one.
Try charitable groups or community groups who have good folk who volunteer to serve the wider community.
Environmental or Conservation groups also attract a better class (hate the word) of people who can distinguish between right and wrong.
Don't be rude and disrespectful. You lower yourself to the gutter.
Just continue to be your good self.
You got to ask yourself why you keep being attracted to drama queens. Maybe attractiveness but they are soooo screwed up inside. I could tell you the answer...however, you need to figure it out for yourself. Once you do, you can then make better choices in the type of women you become involved with and who not to get involved with.
A relationships book written by Dr Barbra De Angilis titled "Are you the one for me" is a good read and helps put things into proper perspective. Maybe your local library has it or could order it in for you.
Good luck!
Christmas gift for woman in early 50's who has everything and needs nothing?
deer
Answer
Gift certificates work for everyone. Nice department store, dinning out, massage........all good.
Gift certificates work for everyone. Nice department store, dinning out, massage........all good.
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