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My mother in law ordered this cake (from her boss who also makes cakes on the side) for her daughter last month and served it at her b-day party. Everyone said how good it was and moist. It was awful and dry! I think they were lying, trying to be polite. I didn't say anything.
My mother in law wants to order a cake for my daughter's b-day which is next week. She's turning one. I told my husband I'm making cupcakes and we're not having a party. Now I feel like my mother in law is trying to control how I want to do things as a parent (She's done this many times before and really pushed my buttons!). My husband never says anything because she's just being nice by offering. He will never tell her no. I do not want to take a cake for my daughter who will not eat much herself and I will not eat any (like I said, it was gross!). I will still make cupcakes for my daughter and we'll sing and light a candle. We're not having a party or family celebration. I was going to take her to Chuck E Cheese to play games and watch the show (with my husband, no one else). His mother always has a party for every kid ,every year. I wasn't raised like this. So how do I get my husband to tell his mom, "No party, no cake, please!"???
The reason I say she's controlling is because normally you only have one cake or cupcakes for your birthday and the parents supply that at the party (if you're having one). The grandparents have no right to start making things and bringing them creating some sort of "party" or get together that the parents hadn't intended upon. Yes, the gesture seems nice, but it isn't. She also forcibly decided to buy a walker until I told her I couldn't accept it for my child. Instead I recommended a safer toy and she hasn't bought the toy yet, but she did mention that we shouldn't buy it because she's buying it for my daughter's birthday. Now who's controlling who????!!!!!!
Answer
I agree with min72. Tell her you're already planning cupcakes. If she sends you a cake anyway, then take a picture with the cake and your daughter in it and then throw the cake away. She won't be there anyway, so how will she know. Even better - set the cake in front of your daughter and let her go to town on it. The pictures will be precious memories (and an inside joke for you) and oh no, she ruined her cake, no one wants to eat that!
It sounds like there are other issues at work here though. You aren't including anyone but your husband in your daughters birthday. I'm sure other people care and might want to be included. Perhaps this is your m-i-l's way of trying to include herself in the big day. Perhaps a better solution would be to tell her to keep the cake at her house and you'll come over to celebrate the birthday there with her since you've already made cupcakes to celebrate at home with just the immediate family. This will include her. Perhaps your husband is being a pushover with his mother, or perhaps he's not completely onboard with the "no party no family" at my daughters birthday. Maybe he is biting his tongue to please you. You say you didn't grow up with parties for every kid every year, but he did. How does he feel about this? Bottom line, just be gracious, even if you have to bite your tongue to pieces. Your daughter will thank you later when she has a loving doting grandmother in her life and your husband will thank you for keeping the peace.
I don't get it. You're upset because you talked her into buying your daughter what you want her to and you're upset about that?
I agree with min72. Tell her you're already planning cupcakes. If she sends you a cake anyway, then take a picture with the cake and your daughter in it and then throw the cake away. She won't be there anyway, so how will she know. Even better - set the cake in front of your daughter and let her go to town on it. The pictures will be precious memories (and an inside joke for you) and oh no, she ruined her cake, no one wants to eat that!
It sounds like there are other issues at work here though. You aren't including anyone but your husband in your daughters birthday. I'm sure other people care and might want to be included. Perhaps this is your m-i-l's way of trying to include herself in the big day. Perhaps a better solution would be to tell her to keep the cake at her house and you'll come over to celebrate the birthday there with her since you've already made cupcakes to celebrate at home with just the immediate family. This will include her. Perhaps your husband is being a pushover with his mother, or perhaps he's not completely onboard with the "no party no family" at my daughters birthday. Maybe he is biting his tongue to please you. You say you didn't grow up with parties for every kid every year, but he did. How does he feel about this? Bottom line, just be gracious, even if you have to bite your tongue to pieces. Your daughter will thank you later when she has a loving doting grandmother in her life and your husband will thank you for keeping the peace.
I don't get it. You're upset because you talked her into buying your daughter what you want her to and you're upset about that?
Guests ask what gifts kids would like(birthday)?
ritah
When I throw b'day parties for my kids (under 10 yrs), some parents ask something like 'hey, what is ryan into? we'd like to get something he enjoys'.
I used to hem&haw, and say something only after the parent insisted a few times. After a few parties, I'm more frank, and say something like: 'oh, thank you for asking, just having Tommy over will be great. Ryan loves books, trains & anything that moves'. Or: 'Andrea loves pretend play & anything Princess.'
My husband feels they might ask, but it is rude for me to mention what the kids are into. I am more like, hey, it is easier for that parent/kid, my kids and me(no returns).
I keep my reply generic, and do not mention any 'expensive' toys my kids might be into currently.
So, is it rude? Or just plain practical. THEY ask, and these are folks who we know but not very well, but kids get along great. My husband feels they can ask their kid what our kid likes...I feel, just mention couple categories..
who's more right?
Answer
I believe you are "more right". While your husband does have a good point, the two of you know your children's interests and hobbies far better than their friends do. It is nice to get your kids' friends involved in the process, but I think that should be up to the parents. Keeping your reply generic gives them clues; they can ask their kids to help pick out the perfect present, making it easier on everyone! It isn't rude; if they didn't want to give gifts, they wouldn't even ask.
I believe you are "more right". While your husband does have a good point, the two of you know your children's interests and hobbies far better than their friends do. It is nice to get your kids' friends involved in the process, but I think that should be up to the parents. Keeping your reply generic gives them clues; they can ask their kids to help pick out the perfect present, making it easier on everyone! It isn't rude; if they didn't want to give gifts, they wouldn't even ask.
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